Joyful Abundance: 2009

I was so happy to talk to Aunt Martha tonight! She had just got May to sleep and was able to talk. Good timing for both of us! She gave me the recipe for pierogies again! I found my old notes and added more info to them. Will try to make them in the next few days! Yum!

A couple stories she told disturbed me though. She said that once when she just had George (about 3 1/2) and Maria (a baby) (she didn't have Robert yet), she was dropping off Uncle Valentines's parents at the airport and hit a car as she was trying to park in the parking lot. She stopped at a auto repair place on the way home to try to get the dent fixed (it was a new car and she thought her dh would be very upset). They couldn't get the dent out unfortunately. She called her dh at work to tell him the bad news. When he came home, he went directly to the garage (I guess he normally would have gone to see her.) He told her she needed to do whatever it took to get it fixed. She decided to go back to work to pay for the repair. Someone nearby watched Maria for them and they decided to send George to Uncle Valentine's parents who lived in western Canada. Uncle Valentine's dad was a Ukrainian minister. They figured it would take about three months to earn enough money for the repair. Well, Aunt Martha ended up working for 33 years instead! George ended up staying with his grandparents for a whole year! I asked if he knew them well either before or after and she said that he hardly knew them as they mostly lived far away and only visited occasionally - and this is both before and after. I asked her if he wanted to go and she said "Well, he was only four." Then later she realized he was 3 1/2. I assume it was hard for him. She didn't elaborate about whether it was hard on her too. I didn't ask. He spoke Ukrainian when he got home (in October) and they could not communicate with him. Aunt Martha and baby Maria did visit him in July which was three months before he came home. (God, this breaks my heart!!! Imagine that poor boy having his mom visit and having some dim hope she may take him home with her and then she leaves with baby sister? I wonder how Maria and George got on? Did it affect their relationship? How did this effect his relationship with his mom and dad?) Aunt Martha said that while George was away, she rec'd a photo of him washing his pants. Apparently he had pooped in them. This was when he was four. His grandparents...maybe grandad?...made him wash them because he had pooped in them. He never did that again.

When May was over her house, apparently she pooped in her pants because she was busy playing or something and didn't make it to the bathroom. She told May that if it happenned again, May would have to wash her pants. Aunt Martha was thinking that if "it worked" (read that the child would no longer poop in pants) for George, it would "work" for May. May did end up washing her pants once. And Aunt Martha said it never happenned again.

This reminds me of the awful way some people treat dogs...rubbing their noses in the poop. How humiliating and unaccepting. I guess the thinking is that you have to make someone feel bad to teach them how you want them to behave. Be tough on them to make them never do it again! It normally isn't a bad thing to wash clothes. But...it is the intent that makes the difference - You pooped in your pants! Now you must wash your own pants and clean them! *That* is humiliating. That is not accepting the child as she is. That is expecting something that the child is not capable of doing. Or expecting the child to act like an adult. A little kindness and compassion here!! Wouldn't it be nicer and kinder and more loving to communicate and commisserate with the beloved grandchild and say, "Oh, I bet you wished you got to the potty in time! It can be hard to leave all the fun to the bathroom! But when your body tells you it's time to poop, I'd like you to try to get to the potty so it is easier to wipe/clean." Whatever..something like this...whatever speaks from your heart but still respects and loves your child!

This makes me see how bad ideas of how we treat our children can be passed down from one generation to the next. Hopefully little May will never do that to her kids or grandkids! If only Aunt Martha TRUSTED May enough to know that she didn't have to Force her to poop in the potty and Punish her for going in her pants. If only she just Loved and not felt Fear that May would never have learned. Or if she could only feel okay about having to clean her undies. Could it simply be that she didn't want the chore of cleaning the underwear? Would she really put that before May herself and May's self-esteem? She must just not know. She must have just been doing what she thought was right, even though it obviously (to me) is so wrong.

Anyway, most of my conversation with Aunt Martha was wonderful....but the above part about George and May was upsetting so much so that I felt a need to write it to vent it out.

Tonight it is about 1am on Jan 1st. We all stayed up for New Yrs Eve tonight.

Kanoa turned one year old on Monday December 28th. We celebrated with a homemade carrot cake just before midnight on his birthday (and yes, we were all still awake as we don't typically go to bed until 2am lately!)

Kanoa says "hot," "hi" and "neigh-neigh!" He says neigh-neigh for all animals, but I think he knows they are for horses and just can not pronounce the other sounds. Of course that is a guess, but it's my guess.

He waves hi sometimes along with saying hi (usually to Jim or me or his siblings). He waves goodbye sometimes now. He just started doing that! Cool!

Just a few minutes ago I was taking out laundry and putting it in the dryer. Katie was near me and picked up any clothes that fell and stuck them in the dryer. I had put Kanoa down to make it easier on my back. I asked Kanoa if he wanted to put the clothes in the dryer too and offerred him to do it with me. He did! I then gave him one small article of clothing and he stuck it in the dryer! Then another and another and another. All of which he stuck in the dryer! Katie and I were amazed (and I was remembering suddenly that Kana had liked to do this as a small toddler...gosh...Kanoa IS a toddler now I guess!). Anyway, Katie and I said "Yeah!" and clapped for Kanoa! He smiled and appreciated our applause!

Smiles everyone, smiles (thinking of Fantasy Island!)! Happy New Year!